Welcome back again ...

As you know, I'm Kam Knight:

- Coach

- Speaker

- Author

And in this guide, I'm going to help you better understand and navigate your emotions.

That's because an overlooked part of human performance is mastering your emotions.

That's because...

Everything you do or are not able to do comes down to an emotion

For example:

- If you're scared, you'll hesitate

- When you're overwhelmed, you'll procrastinate

- With anger, you'll overreact

More or less...

Emotions are what motivate you to take action and stick with things

And they are what create your struggle or joy in life.

In other words, two people can be doing the same task, but one will feel struggle and the other joy, simply because of emotions.

Because of that emotion, one will be able to stick with it, and the other not.

In many ways…

Emotions are like fire

If you know how and why they work, they can provide warmth and be a light that guides you through the darkness.

But if you don’t, they'll burn you alive leaving nothing but ash and dust.

This may seem like a harsh analogy, but it’s the unfortunate reality.

I can't tell you how many people lose control of themselves, relationships, and life simply because of an out of control emotion.

Unfortunately, I did this plenty.

Fortunately...

This guide will shine light on the challenging nature of emotions

It will give you deeper insights into how your emotions work.

So you can have them work for you, instead of against you.

It will start by discussing 7 reasons emotions are so challenging.

Then offer a simple tip to weave through the challenges they create.

First…

1. Emotions are not logical

They don’t respond to logic, as much as we want them to or think they should.

Emotions have their own logic, and it's important to work within that logic.

It's in understanding their logic that will give you better mastery over them.

Second…

2. Emotions are not always rational

They don't always look at the situation when deciding how to make you feel.

So, they can make you upset about something without looking at how you contributed to the problem.

Or, they can make you feel responsible or the cause of the problem, even though you did nothing wrong.

So, you might feel frustrated by someone, and not see how YOU contributed to the frustration.

Or you may feel responsible for a mistake even though you did nothing to cause it.

In many ways…

3. Emotions are like an on-off switch

They get triggered based on certain cues:

- See someone attractive, feel aroused

- Make a mistake, feel bad

- If someone walks away, feel rejected

Again, your emotions don’t look at a situation or event rationally, but simply trigger the response.

In other words:

- You may be happily dating, but still be aroused by someone attractive

- The mistake may be minor, but still feel like you did something wrong

- The person walking away may just be going to work, but still feel the sting of rejection

What’s interesting is…

4. Emotions have their own voice

In other words, the thoughts in your head are in direct response to the emotions you're feeling.

That is:

- When you're worried, your thoughts tend to be negative

- When you're angry, they are more aggressive

- With joy, more open

To illustrate, a good friend of mine was in a bad mood one day.

So, unknowingly, he was quite rude and cynical with everyone.

Later that day, he found a $100 on the ground, which brightened his mood.

Then the rest of the day, he was more upbeat.

The people or situation around him DIDN'T change, only his feelings. 

What’s more…

5. Emotions come out with people and situations that will allow them

As humans, we're being triggered all the time, by all sorts of things.

Though those triggers don’t always show up in the moment.

They show up with people and situations that will ALLOW them.

For example, I had a client who got frustrated with her boss one day.

She couldn’t express her frustration with their boss (person) or at work (situation), otherwise she might get fired.

Instead, she unleashed her frustration on her boyfriend (person) when she got home (situation).

Even though her boyfriend didn’t do anything wrong, her emotions saw less risk with him and at home, so it came out then.

At first, even she was confused as to why she went off on him.

But after we talked through the trigger, she understood her reaction was not about her boyfriend, but her boss.

When you're upset with a family, friend, or co-worker, more often than not, it's not about them.

In fact, it's rarely about them.

That's because…

6. Emotions look at your past to decide how to feel in the present

Most of your emotional responses aren’t to the current person or situation, but to experiences that happened long ago.

That is, when you’re talking to someone, your brain DOESN'T truly know what they are saying.

It can only predict what is being said based on similar conversations from your past. 

If you’re having a conversation with a co-worker, and he says “man, that's stupid!”

Your brain doesn’t know what he "truly" means - does he mean it's stupid good? stupid funny?

To make meaning, your brain has to filter through hundreds of conversations from your past to make meaning.

If it remembers a bully from childhood saying that when making fun of you, your brain may think your co-worker is making fun of you.

That may trigger emotions of embarrassment, which may lead to anger, and before you know it, you’re lashing out on him.

All because your brain assumed he was making fun of you based on a distant memory.

In fact, my client's trigger in the previous example wasn't about her boss, but actually about her dad. Her boss was a reflection of how she was never good enough for her dad.

It’s hard to imagine, but most of the feelings you’re experiencing now aren’t to current situations or events, but to people and experiences from a long time ago.

What's even more…

7. Emotions can become a runaway process

Emotions will create a certain pain or emptiness, and tell you what you need to do to remove it, and when you do, the pain goes away.

For example:

- Hunger tells you to eat, and when you eat, the hunger goes away

- Loneliness says to connect with someone, and when you do, that too goes away

Often, doing what the emotions say DOESN'T make the pain or emptiness go away.

For some:

- Eating DOESN'T make their hunger go away, which is why they fall into a pattern of overeating

- Being around people DOESN'T make their loneliness go away either

So, you might feel shy, insecure, or anxious, with your emotions saying you need a 'big house,' 'fast car,' 'prestigious job,' or you need to "do this," "have that," or "go there" without ever removing those feelings.

And like a carrot on a stick, the emotion will lead you to do all sorts of things, sometimes to the point of exhaustion, WITHOUT ever removing the pain or emptiness.

That was the case for my client, her pain was needing approval. No matter how hard she worked to receive approval and now matter how much approval she received, the pain never went away.

Many people never feel ready. They want to start on that goal or take the next step, but they don't feel ready to start. And no matter what they do to feel ready, they never are.

In fact, most people are seeking to feel good enough, but no matter how hard they try or how much they accomplish, the pain of never enough is always there.

So, the feeling keeps stringing them along until they eventully burn out.

As you can see…

Emotions can create A LOT of challenges

They:

1. Are not logical
2. Or always rational
3. And operate more like an on-off switch

They also:

4. Have their own thinking
5. Don’t show up with the right person or situation
6. And are based on past experiences

Not to mention:

7. They can string you along like a carrot on a stick

Now you know why I said, emotions can leave nothing but ash and dust.

So…

How does one get a handle on all this?

Well, it's not easy.

Emotions are more complex than what I just described.

Worse, they don't like to be managed or controlled.

Though there is one way that can make them easier to navigate.

And that's by understanding...

The 3 Convincers

That is, there are 3 ways you can be convinced something is true.

Either with:

I. Logical evidence

II. Physical evidence

III. Or Emotions

Let me explain…

If I was holding a toy boat, how could I convince you that it floats?

I. For starters, I can use logic and say, the material the boat is made of is less dense than water, and less dense objects float to the top of more dense ones.

II. I can place the boat in water and you can physically see it floating.

III. Then there is the emotional convincer, which doesn’t use logical or physical evidence, but relies solely on feelings. It relies on the 'feeling' of being right.

If I were to say, "Oh my gosh, this boat is so amazing! It does all these cool things, like float in water! I'm having hours and hours of fun with it because it never sinks!"

Well...

The emotion alone can convince you something is true

Your feelings can bypass the logical and physical parts of the mind, and convince you directly.

Most of what you think to be true is because it feels true.

Not because it actually is true.

This is how...

Advertisements convince you to buy things that are not good for you

What are Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and McDonald's slogan?

- Cool
- Open happiness
- I'm lovin it!

All emotions!

Logically, you know these things are not healthy, but the emotion still pull you towards them.

With that...

Always look for the logical or physical evidence to support the emotion you are in

Although your emotions are saying one thing, what's the logical or physical evidence suggesting?

- Your emotions might convince you something is not working, when it's fine

- Your emotions might convince you someone did you wrong, when they're actually trying to help

- Your emotions might be jumping you into a decision, when you should think twice

- Your emotions might be saying you're not good enough, when you're fully enough

Practicing this will give you more agency over your emotions

I hope you found this guide helpful

The goal was to help you better understand the cryptic nature of emotions and have a better handle over them.

That way you can make better decisions and choices.

This is one of those simple things you can do, that over time can make a big shift in your life.

It can keep you from reacting to emotions, and instead acting with them.

As mentioned...

Emotions are complex

There is more to them than what can be covered in this guide.

The reality is, there's more to emotions than what can be covered in a textbook.

And each person's emotional response is different.

So what's better than managing and navigating your emotions...

Is to not have them come up in the first place

That is...

Instead of being triggered by a friend, spouse, or boss, and trying to figure out where the trigger came from...

Or using logical and physical evidence to manage the response...

It's better to not have the trigger come up in the first place!

It's possible...

With my 1:1 work

I spent the last 20 years, traveling to 100 countries to develop a method that releases the emotions around your biggest heartache and struggle.

Whether that's with a:

- Person, situation, or past event

- Goal, relationship, or business

- Or with feelings of  guilt, grief, regret, overwhelm, people pleasing, and more.
 
One client said "it's therapy on steroids."

Another said "it was 2 years of healing in 2 hours."

As you know by now...

You're not choosing your emotions

They come up on their own.

When they do, they can be difficult to manage.

And if not managed, they can wreak havoc.

Again, better to not have them come up in the first place.


Click here to learn more about releasing your emotions


Thank you for reading :)

Kam