Welcome back again ...

As you know, I'm Kam Knight:

- Coach

- Speaker

- Author

And in this guide, I'm going to help you understand your emotions.

An important part of human performance is understanding, and more importantly, mastering your emotions.

In fact...

Emotions are a key driver to performance

They influence your ability to take action and stick with things, and are what create your experience in life.

It’s the emotions that motivate you to do something, or keep you from doing it.

In many ways…

Your emotions are like fire

If you know how and why they work, they can provide warmth and be a light that guides you though the darkness.

If you don’t, they'll burn you alive, leaving nothing but ash and dust.

I know it’s a harsh analogy, but it’s true.

First…

1. Emotions are not logical

They don’t respond to logic, as much as we think they should.

Or as much as we want them to.

Emotions have their own logic, and it helps to work within that logic.

When you can understand the logic they operate within, you can have better mastery over them.

What's more…

2. Emotions are not always rational

They don’t necessarily look at what you might have done to cause to a problem, but still be upset about it.

You might be frustrated by someone, and not see how you may have contributed to the challenge.

A client I was working with would do things to make people think he was up to no good, but he’d still get upset at them when they made that assumption.

He would do things to get in trouble, and then get upset for being punished.

On the other hand, emotions can make your feel responsible or the cause of something, even though your are not.

Or it will convince you things aren't working when everything is fine. 

In many ways…

3. Emotion are like an on-off switch

They get triggered based on certain cues:

- See someone attractive, feel aroused

- Make a mistake, feel bad

- If someone walks away, feel rejected

Again, they don’t look at a situation or event rationally, but simply release the response.

That is:

- You may be happily dating, but still be aroused by someone attractive

- The mistake you make may be minor, but still feel like you did something bad or wrong

- The person walking away may just be going to work, but still feel the sting of rejection

What’s interesting is…

4. Emotions have their own voice

In other words, your thoughts are in direct response to the emotions you’re feeling.

If you're worried, your thinking is more cautious.

With anger, it's more aggressive.

In joy, more open.

One day, a good friend was in a bad mood, and was responding to everyone around him in a negative and cynical way.

That afternoon, he found $100 on the ground, which changed his mood.

Rest of the day he was more joyous and upbeat with people.

The person, situation, and outcome didn’t change, only his feelings. 

What’s more…

5. Emotions come out with people and situations that will allow them

As humans, we’re being triggered all the time, by all sorts of things.

Though our emotions don’t always come out in those moments.

They’ll come out with people who will allow it.

I had a client who was got frustrated by her boss at work.

She couldn’t express her frustration at work (situation) or with her boss (person), otherwise she might get fired.

But when she came home (situation), she unleashed the frustration on her boyfriend (person).

Even though her boyfriend didn’t do anything, her emotions felt less risk at home and with him, so it came out then.

Even she was confused as to why she went off on him.

But after we talked through her trigger, she understood her reaction wasn't about her boyfriend, but her boss.

When you get upset at a friend, significant other, or co-worker, more often than not, it's not about them.

In fact…

6. Emotions look to your past to decide how to respond in the present

Many of your emotional responses aren’t to the current situation, but to experiences that happened long ago.

That is, when you’re talking to someone, your brain doesn't truly know what he or she is saying.

It can only predict what is being said based on similar interactions and conversations you've had in the past. 

For example, if you’re having conversation with a co-worker, and he says “man, that is stupid.”

Your brain doesn’t know what that he truly means - does he mean it is stupid good? stupid funny?

To make meaning, your brain instantly looks at hundreds of conversations from your past where that comment was made.

So, if it remembers a bully from childhood saying that when making fun of you, your brain may think your co-worker is making fun of you.

That may trigger emotions of embarrassment, which might trigger emotions of anger, and before you know it, you’re lashing out on him.

All because your brain thought he was making fun of you based on an insignificant memory.

It’s hard to imagine most of the feelings you’re experiencing aren’t to current situations or events, but to people and experiences from long time ago.

A bigger challenge is…

7. Emotions can become a runaway process

Emotion will create a certain pain or emptiness and tell you what you need to do to remove it, and when you do, the pain goes away.

For example, hunger tells you to eat, and when you eat, the hunger goes away.

Loneliness says to connect with someone, and when you do, that too goes away.

Though sometimes and for some people, doing what the emotions say doesn't make the pain or emptiness go away.

For some, eating doesn’t make their hunger go away, which is why they fall into a pattern of overeating.

For others, being around people doesn’t make their loneliness go away.

So you might be shy, insecure, unsure, or anxious and your emotions will tell you that you need a big house, fast car, prestigious job, or you need to "do this," "have that," or "go there" 

Like a carrot on a stick, the emotion will lead you to do all sorts of things, sometimes to the point of exhaustion, without ever removing the shyness, insecurity, and so on.

As you can see…

Emotions can create a lot of challenges

They are not logical, or always rational, and operate more like an on-off switch.

They change your thinking, don’t show up with the right person or situation, and are based on past experiences.

Not to mention, they can string you along like a carrot on a stick.

So….

How does one get a handle on all this?

It's not easy.

Emotions are a lot more complex than what I described.

And they don't like to be managed or controlled.

Though there is one way that can help you handle it.

And that's by...

Understanding the 3 Convincers

That is, there are 3 ways you can be convinced of something:

I. Logical evidence

II. Physical evidence

III. Emotions.

Let me explain…

If I was holding a toy boat, how could I convince you that it floats?

I. For starters, I can use "logic" and say, the material the boat is made of is less dense than water, and less dense objects float to the top.

II. Second, I can place the boat in water and you can "physically" see it floating.

3. Then there is the ”emotional“ convincer. It doesn’t use logical or physical evidence, but relies solely on feelings.

If I said, "Oh my God, this boat is so amazing! It does all these cool things, like float in water! I'm having hours and hours of fun with it because it never sinks!"...

The emotions alone can convince you that it does

Feelings by pass the logical and physical parts of the mind, and influence you directly.

That's how advertisements convince you to buy things that are not good for you.

What are Marlboro, Coca-cola, McDonald's slogan?

- Cool
- Open happiness
- I'm lovin it

All emotions!

The point is...

Always look for the logical or physical evidence to support the emotions you are in

Although your emotions are saying one thing, what is the logical or physical evidence suggesting?

I hope you found this guide helpful

You might find this suggestion simple.

As mentioned, change doesn’t happen by doing something one time.

It must be done over and over.

This is one of those simple things you can do.

People are looking for simple solutions.

Unfortunately this things don’t exist

Though a better thing is not to mange them.

If you can raise them, they don’t come up